Father’s Day Blues

When Father’s Day comes around it can stir up a slew of emotions. Contrary to what the marketing teams propagate it is not always a “happy” day for people. And unfortunately, they really don’t make cards for those people because that part gets overlooked. That’s why we feel it is immensely important to let you know, we see you. Your emotional experience IS important. So, if you are looking for ways to honor those emotions and thoughts, read on. 

If this day is a heavy one for you, it is okay to not be “happy” or to want this period to hurry up and be over. The emotions are completely valid, regardless of where they stem from. What will be important for you is to acknowledge their presence. When we try to avoid or runaway from these emotions, they actually become more fused to us and they end up coming out in unexpected or destructive ways. Instead of avoiding, we suggest working to first label how you are feeling using emotion words. (Feel free to use a search engine to find an emotion word bank or solicit the help of a friend to help you label them as accurately as you can.)

Once you are more aware of what emotions are coming up for you then you can start making decisions on how you want to handle it. Are you needing to practice some self-care and self-soothing to help you manage getting through the day? Would some extra support be helpful for you to navigate this day? Or perhaps you would like to take back the narrative of this day and choose to ritualize your own practices that are honoring how you would like to traverse the day?

However, you feel you would like to move forward, that is a choice you get to make and that matters! Below we have put together some common reasons this day may be difficult and alternative activities that may be a better fit for you as you navigate this event, keeping your wellbeing in mind.

If you are not a father, whether by your own choice or not:

Alternative ritual: Consider spending time with your own father figure or mentor who had a positive impact on your life. Reach out to them and let them know how you appreciate their presence in your life.

Needing support: Find a local support group or reach out to a group of trusted friends and let them know you need some extra assistance today. Contrary to many unhelpful narratives associated with male identifiers – asking for help is incredibly difficult and takes courage to bring down that wall and allow others to see that vulnerability exists. Seeking that support allows those confidants to shower you with compassion and empathy.

Self-care options: You do not HAVE to celebrate this day. Instead, you can spend the day doing something you enjoy, whether it's going for a hike, watching a movie, or treating yourself to a nice meal.

If your father has passed away:

Alternative ritual: You can take some time to remember and reflect on the positive memories and lessons your father taught you. Share those with others in your life providing space for their wisdom or memories to live on in those that carry that with them.

Needing support: Connect with others that knew your father and take a moment to share in all the emotions and memories that are coming up. The connection can provide space for healing for all parties involved.

Self-care options: You can honor your father's memory by doing something he loved to do, such as cooking his favorite recipe or going to his favorite location and observing being in the present moment, without judgment.

If you don't have a relationship with your father:

Alternative ritual: Focus on celebrating and honoring the positive male figures in your life, such as grandfathers, uncles, brothers, or friends. It’s okay to reclaim the title of the day for one that is more in line with what you do want to celebrate.

Needing support: Consider reaching out to a positive role model or mentor who can help guide you in life. Think of the characteristics that you want to cultivate or surround yourself with and decide to nurture those relationships, involving them in your life. A “father-figure” can come in many different packages and allowing flexibility in what that looks like can open us up to an opportunity for others to show up for us.

Self-care options: Find ways to give back to yourself and/or others. Go for a relaxed stroll or take a nice shower/bath with a special scented soap. Volunteer at a local shelter or boys and girls club.

            Whichever way you decide that choice is for you. Not because that is what society expects or what someone else requires. It is to nurture your need for this difficult time. And each year your needs may change. That is OK, too! Your needs are important. Acknowledging them and allowing space for them provides you with an opportunity to flourish and thrive. So why not give it whirl?

By

Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist