Why the Holidays Are So Hard on Parents: Understanding the Stress and Staying Connected

If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve felt that unique blend of holiday stress mixed with joy, and maybe even a little guilt when things feel less than merry. For parents in particular, navigating the holidays can bring up tensions, especially when there’s pressure from both sides of the family, the expectation to create new traditions, and the simple exhaustion of trying to meet everyone else’s needs. Here’s a closer look at why the holidays can be so tricky for parents and a reminder that you’re not alone if you feel like they’re testing your relationship.

1. Family Pressures: Whose Holiday Is It, Anyway?

Ah, family. We love them, and sometimes, they drive us to the brink. If you’re facing well-meaning but insistent invitations from both families, it’s no wonder you’re feeling the squeeze. When families of origin expect you to carry on their traditions while also creating new memories with your kids, it can start to feel like a tug-of-war for your holiday calendar.

You might feel torn between wanting to respect your family’s wishes and establishing your own family traditions, which can lead to tension with your partner. If both sets of grandparents expect Christmas morning, or everyone wants to host Thanksgiving, it can leave you feeling as though you’re disappointing someone no matter what you do. And as you may have noticed, trying to please everyone often leads to pleasing no one — least of all you and your partner.

Pro tip: This year, consider asking what each side values most and see if there’s a way to compromise. Maybe one family gets Thanksgiving, and the other gets Christmas Eve. Or, if you’re both feeling worn out from the holiday shuffle, it might be time to start a new tradition altogether. Remember, creating your own memories doesn’t mean you’re cutting anyone out — it just means you’re prioritizing the well-being of your family unit.

2. Tradition Overload: Too Many “Cooks” in the Kitchen

As parents, you might feel this responsibility to create perfect holiday memories for your kids. But just as you have been trying to get that perfect, candid holiday photo where everyone is cooperating -- it is rough. When you’re trying to blend different traditions (yours, your partner’s, and maybe even a few new ones), things can get a little chaotic.

Consider this: you’re working to uphold the annual Christmas breakfast from one family, squeezing in a winter hike from another, and still trying to carve out time to start your own holiday traditions. Suddenly, it feels like you’re drowning in a sea of expectations, and instead of enjoying the season, you’re racing from one ritual to the next.

Pro tip: Simplify. Choose a few traditions that really resonate with you and your partner, and don’t be afraid to let go of the rest. Maybe you agree to carry on one or two family traditions from each side and leave space to start a few new ones that are just for you and your kids. The holidays don’t have to be a marathon of activities; they can be a time to slow down, connect, and enjoy a few meaningful moments together.

3. The “Busy Season” Blues: Burnout Hits Hard

The holiday season is notoriously busy. Between cooking, shopping, attending school performances, and juggling work obligations, it’s common to feel burnt out by the time you reach the holiday dinner table. With all these demands, you’re likely getting less sleep, skipping the gym (or your other stress-busting routines), and missing out on quality downtime. In short, the things that keep you grounded during the rest of the year often get tossed aside.

This season can also mean less social battery recovery time — particularly if you’re constantly shifting from hosting duties to family gatherings. The result? You and your partner might start feeling more like a crisis management team than a couple in love.

Pro tip: Prioritize a little self-care, even during the holiday frenzy. Take turns giving each other breaks or blocking out a couple of hours for quiet family time. When you’re both recharged, you’ll feel more prepared to tackle the demands of the season and show up as better partners and parents.

How Can Couples Therapy for Parents Help?

At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, we understand how challenging the holidays can be for parents. For couples who feel more like roommates than partners, the season’s demands can add stress to an already strained relationship. Couples therapy for parents is designed to help you identify and address patterns that may be pulling you apart, so you can reconnect, communicate effectively, and enjoy each other again.

If you’re feeling distant or struggling to communicate, remember you’re not alone. In relationship counseling for parents at Embrace Renewal, we provide a safe space to navigate these challenges with empathy, humor, and research-based strategies. We offer virtual couples therapy for parents in California and Murrieta couples therapy for parents to help you and your partner reconnect and build a thriving family system.

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Embrace the season with a little humor, a lot of patience, and the confidence to put your family’s needs at the center of it all. This year, focus less on pleasing everyone else and more on making memories that reflect your values as a couple and a family. Here’s to a season of warmth, laughter, and connection!

By

Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist