How to Navigate the Holidays as Parents: Identifying Your Family’s Core Values and Making the Season Meaningful

Ah, the holiday season! Full of sparkle, excitement, and, if you’re a parent, a laundry list of commitments, traditions, and maybe even a dash of holiday chaos. For many couples, the holidays can create a whirlwind of stress, especially when expectations from extended family, traditions, and everyone’s best-laid plans start to collide. But here’s a secret for keeping the peace and joy in your relationship during this season: start by identifying your family’s core values.

In today’s article, we’ll explore how to work with your partner to clarify what’s truly meaningful to your family. This is more than just deciding between turkey or ham; it’s about getting clear on what’s most important for you and your partner to create a holiday season that feels aligned, connected, and peaceful.

Why Identifying Core Values Can Transform Your Holidays

When couples who feel more like roommates than partners navigate the holidays, things can get… tense. You may have already felt the strain of trying to meet family expectations while juggling your own aspirations for what you want the season to look like for your kids. But here’s where it gets easier: when you and your partner sit down to clarify your values, you’re setting up a foundation that’s based on your family’s priorities — not everyone else’s.

Identifying core values as a couple and as a family helps you get on the same page about what truly matters. It’s a reminder to each other that the season isn’t about checking boxes or saying “yes” to every invitation; it’s about spending the holiday in a way that’s meaningful for you both.

How to Start Your Family Core Values Conversation

So, how do you figure out what’s most important for your family? Here’s a breakdown of how to approach this conversation in a way that brings clarity, connection, and maybe even a few laughs along the way.

1. Schedule a “Holiday Huddle” with Your Partner

Life as parents can be non-stop, so this step is essential: carve out dedicated time to sit down with your partner — think of it as a “holiday huddle.” Actually put it on the calendar … we all know if it’s not on the calendar, it won’t happen. Set aside any holiday planning, gift lists, and discussions of who’s cooking what, and focus instead on why the holidays matter to you. This time is an investment in creating a more connected, aligned season for both of you.

For example: Grab a coffee together or schedule an evening after the kids go to bed. Acknowledge that this is a conversation not about logistics, but about values. And trust me, this small step will make all the difference as you go through the season.

2. Define What Matters Most to Each of You

Start by discussing what the holidays meant to each of you growing up. Did you love quiet nights with just the immediate family, or big gatherings with lots of laughter and food? This is a great way to uncover hidden expectations and desires that might otherwise lead to holiday tension. Think: if you had a magic wand to poof your perfect holiday season, what would you be hearing or seeing (or not hearing and seeing - and yes, I know no screaming children is the dream, but we’re going for something more realistic this time *wah,wah*).

Then, pivot to asking, “What do we want our kids to experience during the holidays?” Get specific and dig a little deeper. Maybe you both agree that prioritizing togetherness over endless to-do lists is essential, or maybe giving back as a family feels meaningful. By identifying what’s most important, you’ll know exactly where to put your focus — and what to let go of.

This process is a chance to identify shared values like connection, fun, rest, and gratitude. Once you have a clear picture of these values, you’ll know how to shape your family’s holiday season with less stress and more intention.

3. List Traditions and Activities Aligned with Your Values

Once you’ve clarified what’s truly important, it’s time to create a holiday season that reflects those values. If you value connection, then maybe you say “no” to some events that keep you away from each other and plan a few low-key evenings at home. If giving back as a family is central, look for a family-friendly volunteer opportunity that allows your kids to participate, too.

Aligning your values with holiday activities also makes it easier to set boundaries with family members who may not share the same priorities. For example, if you’ve both agreed that rest is a top priority, you’re more likely to turn down an invitation that would require extra travel or a late night. This way, you’re honoring your values and keeping stress to a minimum.

4. Agree to Revisit Your Values Each Year

Identifying family values isn’t a one-time thing; it’s something that might evolve over time. Make it a tradition to check in with each other about what you want your holidays to look like each year. As your kids grow, your priorities might change, but by keeping this tradition, you’re ensuring that your family’s holiday season is always meaningful.

This process can feel like a huge relief — you’ll know what matters, and you’ll also know when to gracefully bow out of events, traditions, or obligations that don’t serve your family’s priorities. Plus, it’s a chance to reconnect with each other and remember why you’re celebrating in the first place. Having this ritual can become something you look forward to and treasure each year.

When You’re Ready for More Support

Holidays have a way of bringing up deeper relationship issues for many parents. At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, we specialize in couples therapy for parents who want to get back on the same page, whether it’s the holiday season or the rest of the year. Our approach is designed to help couples who feel like roommates reconnect, identify and overcome negative patterns, and rediscover the joy of being a team.

We offer relationship counseling for parents, including virtual couples therapy for parents in California and in-person couples therapy for parents in Murrieta. If this season feels challenging or if you’re struggling to reconnect with each other, we’re here to help. Therapy for parents is not just about surviving the holidays; it’s about building a relationship that supports a thriving family system.

A Meaningful Season, Together

As you go through the holiday season this year, let your family’s core values be your guide. With a little planning and a lot of intention, you can create a season that reflects what matters most to you — and enjoy it with a partner who’s right there with you.

Here’s to a holiday that brings you closer and creates beautiful memories that last well beyond the season. Happy holidays from Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective!

By

Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist