Navigating Holiday Traditions as Parents: How to Create Your Own without Ten “Cooks in the Kitchen”

Holidays often bring together family, fun, and a fair amount of tradition. And for couples who are also parents, navigating these traditions can turn into a balancing act of everyone’s expectations. You and your partner might have the best intentions for creating a holiday that reflects your values, but when extended family steps in — with a list of must-have traditions — it can feel like there are ten cooks in the kitchen.

Today, we’re diving into why establishing your own family traditions is so important, especially when it feels like compromising with two people is a struggle, let alone with extended family. If you’re looking for tips to keep things light and aligned with your family’s vision, you’re in the right place!

The Challenge of “Too Many Cooks” in the Holiday Kitchen

If you’re parents trying to create your own holiday traditions, there’s a good chance you’ve encountered a few well-meaning but persistent family members who insist on keeping their traditions alive. The desire to make everyone happy can sometimes lead to tension, especially if you and your partner are already navigating the complexities of parenting.

With everyone’s voice at the table, the holiday “menu” can get crowded, and suddenly your carefully planned family holiday looks like a marathon of obligations. The joy you envisioned for your family’s celebration becomes a blur of travel, extra dinners, and perhaps a few stress-induced headaches. So, how do you balance creating a holiday season that honors your family without being pulled in ten different directions?

Here’s the bottom line: While including loved ones in holiday celebrations is wonderful, prioritizing your own family’s traditions can create a season that reflects what truly matters to you and your partner — and this doesn’t make you any less of a loving son, daughter, or sibling. It simply means you’re setting up a space where your family’s values come first.

How to Start Creating Traditions with Your Partner

If you’re feeling the pull to do things differently this holiday season, here are some tips to help you get started on creating traditions that belong to just you and your family.

1. Begin with a Heart-to-Heart

Start with an open conversation with your partner about what you envision for the holidays. Do you want a quiet Christmas morning with just the kids, a special New Year’s Eve tradition, or a Friendsgiving with your closest friends? Taking time to share what matters to each of you helps set the groundwork for a season that aligns with both your expectations. And when we make the space to hear our partner’s inner values with curiosity we have an opportunity to turn towards each other.

Make this conversation lighthearted! Grab some coffee, reminisce about past holidays, and explore what traditions feel meaningful. This isn’t about rejecting anyone else’s input, but rather about creating a shared vision that belongs to both of you. It’s a valuable exercise in setting the stage for a connected season — and you’ll be amazed how even small changes can make the holidays feel that much more special.

2. Define Your Family’s “Non-Negotiables”

Every family has them — the traditions or values that you just can’t do without. Perhaps for you, it’s a cozy Christmas Eve where everyone gets new pajamas and a favorite holiday movie, or maybe it’s a big brunch the morning after. Whatever it is, defining your family’s non-negotiables helps you identify what’s essential to you and gives you the confidence to make it happen without outside pressure.

Setting boundaries with family doesn’t mean you don’t value their traditions, but rather that you’re creating something that reflects what’s most meaningful to your family. By identifying your “must-haves,” you’ll be better prepared to handle those moments when family members insist that their traditions are just as necessary.

Bonus Tip: Use these non-negotiables as a chance to bring in new traditions that are unique to you as a couple. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to take a Christmas hike, volunteer at a local shelter, or spend an evening doing a holiday craft with your kids. The holidays are your chance to set the foundation for memories you’ll cherish as a family.

3. Lightly and Lovingly Set Boundaries with Family

If there are family members who just can’t imagine the holidays without their tried-and-true traditions, gently let them know that while you appreciate the invitation, you’re committed to creating something special at home this year. Reassure them that they’re still loved and included and your family’s needs come first.

Use humor when setting these boundaries — it helps! A lighthearted, “We’re going to attempt the impossible and make our own Christmas brunch this year — it may or may not include scrambled eggs,” shows your family that you’re serious, but also not trying to dismiss their feelings. By bringing a bit of laughter into it, you’re more likely to have the conversation go smoothly.

Standing together as a united front in support of your boundaries can also be an incredible bonding experience. You’ll quickly find that creating a holiday that’s meaningful to both of you will be more rewarding than trying to keep everyone happy at the expense of your family’s needs.

How Couples Therapy for Parents Can Help with Holiday Stress

Navigating the holiday season as parents is a challenge, especially when the traditions and expectations of extended family weigh heavy. If you and your partner are struggling to connect or finding it difficult to balance external expectations, Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective can help. We specialize in couples therapy for parents, focusing on reconnecting and communicating through challenging times.

With relationship counseling for parents — whether in person at our Murrieta couples therapy for parents office or through virtual couples therapy for parents in California — we can help you work through any holiday stress. Together, we’ll identify the underlying patterns that may be impacting your relationship and help you rebuild a connected, thriving family system. It’s about creating a season that allows both of you to feel supported and close, rather than drained or distant.

Embracing a Holiday That Reflects Your Values

Creating new traditions can feel daunting, but prioritizing your relationship and your family’s needs above all else can make a world of difference. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by trying to please everyone, a season centered around your values will leave you feeling connected, fulfilled, and truly at peace.

If you and your partner are ready to navigate the holidays with clarity and connection, remember that the team at Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective is here to support you every step of the way. Here’s to a holiday season filled with joy, laughter, and a little less time managing too many “cooks in the kitchen”!

By

Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist