Ah, the holidays! A time filled with twinkling lights, gift-giving, and the aroma of festive food in the air. For many couples with kids, it’s also a time loaded with expectations, social commitments, and just a few invitations from family that, let’s be real, don’t exactly ask — they insist. Navigating this season as parents can be challenging, especially when the pressure builds to balance family traditions, handle long to-do lists, and maintain your sanity. Here’s why the holidays are notoriously hard on relationships and, more importantly, how to get through them as a united team.

 

Why Are the Holidays So Hard on Parents’ Relationships?

 

If you’re feeling the stress already, you’re not alone. The holidays add layers of pressure that can leave many parents feeling more like roommates scrambling to check things off their to-do list than a loving team enjoying the season. Here are a few reasons why:

 

1. Family Pressures to Spend Time with Both Sides

   The holiday season often comes with invitations that aren't really "optional," and many parents feel the pull from both families of origin. Balancing the in-laws' traditions with your own new family is complicated enough, but add kids and suddenly, everyone wants "their turn" with your precious time.

 

2. Multiple "Cooks" in the Family Tradition Kitchen

   As parents, creating your own family traditions is rewarding but complicated — especially if other family members feel strongly about how the season should look. Aunts, uncles, and grandparents often have their own ideas, leaving you as parents feeling like referees rather than festive cheerleaders.

 

3. The "Busy Season" Burnout

   Between holiday shopping, social events, and wrapping up end-of-year responsibilities, you’re probably feeling stretched thinner than gift wrap. The pressure to make the holidays memorable for everyone else often leads to less sleep, reduced time to recharge, and less attention to self-care.

 

How to Navigate the Holidays Without Losing Your Relationship Spark

 

So how do you navigate the holidays while keeping your relationship intact (and maybe even rekindling that spark)? Here are a few strategies to stay connected, keep the peace, and, most importantly, support each other.

 

1. Identify Your Family’s Core Values Together

   The first step to a happier holiday season as a couple is to sit down and define what’s truly meaningful to both of you. What do you want the holidays to feel like for your family? Is it about quality time, rest, or building special traditions with your kids? Once you’re clear on what’s most important, you’ll find it easier to make decisions that align with these values.

 

   For example, if connection and peace are top priorities, you might decide that a quiet night decorating cookies at home with your kids is more valuable than attending every extended family gathering. Knowing what you want as a family allows you to make choices without guilt.

 

2. Get Creative About Honoring Those Values

   Now that you know what matters, get creative with how you bring those values to life. If quality time is essential, maybe you set aside a no-technology day or plan a cozy family movie night. Or, if being together on Christmas Eve is a non-negotiable tradition, try celebrating with family on a different day to keep things low-key on the 24th.

 

   Sometimes, the best way to honor your values is by doing something out of the ordinary. Have fun with it — consider hosting a “Family Festivus” night where you focus on meaningful moments instead of trying to meet everyone's expectations.

 

3. Set Assertive Boundaries with Extended Family

   Here’s where the rubber meets the road: boundaries. They’re especially necessary during the holiday season. Politely but firmly communicate your plans and limitations with extended family members. It can be challenging, especially if family members have different ideas about what the holidays “should” look like.

 

   For example, “Thanks for inviting us, but we’re choosing to spend Christmas morning at home this year to start a new tradition with our kids.” A clear boundary stated together shows you’re on the same team and helps prevent misunderstandings.

 

4. Stand Together as a United Front

   Once boundaries are in place, it’s vital to support each other. If you’ve decided together to skip a particular gathering or limit your visits, don’t backtrack. Standing firm as a united front builds trust and helps you both feel confident in the choices you’ve made for your family. Letting one partner become the “bad guy” or bending to family pressure only creates more stress and can lead to resentment.

 

5. Take Active Steps to Rest and Recoup

   The holidays can be hectic, so don’t forget to care for yourselves as individuals and as a couple. Schedule downtime intentionally. Take turns giving each other breaks to recharge, whether that’s a nap, a solo walk, or even a quick coffee date with no kids in tow.

 

   Remember, the more you pour into each other, the better you’ll feel about navigating the season together. And, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, use those moments to reconnect. You don’t have to tackle the holidays perfectly; you just need to tackle them as a team.

 

When to Seek Extra Support

 

For many parents, these holiday stressors can reveal relationship challenges that have been simmering under the surface. If you’re feeling distant from each other, struggling to communicate effectively, or finding it hard to reconnect, couples therapy can help.

 

At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, we specialize in couples therapy for parents who want to stop feeling like roommates and start thriving as partners. Our sessions provide a safe space to identify and work through relationship patterns, rebuild emotional intimacy, and find joy in each other again. Whether you’re local in Murrieta or need virtual couples therapy in California, we’re here to help you navigate these challenges and create a stronger foundation.

 

Final Thoughts: Keeping It Light, Keeping It Loving

 

The holiday season can feel like a minefield for couples, especially parents. But with a little planning, some assertive boundary-setting, and a lot of teamwork, it doesn’t have to be. Remember, it’s not about doing everything perfectly; it’s about being there for each other and making choices that support your family’s well-being. By focusing on what matters most, you’ll navigate the season with less stress and more connection.

 

So this year, make a pact to show up as partners in every sense — cheerleaders, boundary-setters, and holiday-survival buddies. Happy holidays from all of us at Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective!

By

Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist